Not long ago (earlier today actually) I launched an evil and dastardly plot to make other nations fatter.  That way we Americans will seem less piggy in comparison.  Sinister right?

I am well aware I have very little influence one way or the other at this point, but at least I know Mr. T is on my side.

Well it seems Japan has started without me.

Not long ago Pizza Hut in Japan released the "Mega Pizza".

The Actual Mega Pizza - (If You Can Call It That)

This caloric monstrosity has 2 halves:  The "Gourmet" Half and the "Hamburger" Half, all surrounded by "double rolls" which are hot dog AND bacon wrapped in dough.

The Gourmet half includes  bell peppers, Ham, Bacon, Onion, Basil, Mushroom, Bacon bits, black pepper, sliced tomatoes, Italian sausages, and garlic chips.  I swear I see corn flakes in the picture too- that could just be me.

The Hamburger half has hamburgers (made from pork/beef), Green soybeans, corn, red bell peppers.

This Franken-pizza comes with generous sides of ketchup and maple syrup.  Take a second- read that again.  Uh, why?

The large version of this beast clocks in at almost 3000 calories, and I honestly think that is a conservative estimate.

 
At the top it says "Will Make you as Fat As Crazy American!"

Individually I like most of these ingredients, but this random assortment of culinary weirdness just nauseates me.

One taster commented "Its like they combined things that taste and feel like meat (but nothing was actual meat)."

I think it should be called the "WTF" Pizza.  As in when the Japanese Pizza Hut chefs were making it (possibly drunk) one guy said "should we sprinkle corn flakes on the top of the meat like patties?" and the other guy says "Sure, WTF."

In any event I applaud Japan for trying to catch up to the US’s 2/3 obesity rate.  A few more dietary disasters like this and they will be sure to catch up to us within 5 or 6 decades.

Keep up the good work, Japan.

Joshua Carter
http://carterfitness.com

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Speed walking just looks stupid.  I don’t even think it is debatable. But I’ll come back to that.

Just keep walking…

Let me start with some disclosure.  I was a fan of Mr. T in the 80’s.  The first time I saw the mohawked, verbose muscle man encased in gold chains was in Rocky III where he beat the crap out of Sly Stallone.

It was not long after that that he starred as "B.A" Baracs on the hit show "The ‘A’ Team".  I can still hear the the theme song…

"B.A." Stands for "bad attitude" if you were curious.  Side note: One Halloween, my mother, younger brother and step-father all dressed up as Mr. T.  They looked like dorks, if you were curious.

The One and Only Mr. T

Like many TV stars of the past, Mr. T has had his ups & downs. And a man has got to make a living.  So shooting a candy bar cannon at wusses sounds like a pretty decent gig.  Hell, I’d do it for free.

So there is a new ad campaign in England (the ads have not aired in the US) where Mr. T shoots Snickers bars through a machine gun at less than manly men, telling then to "Get Some Nuts."  That alone makes me snicker.

In the following spot Mr. T is targeting a speed walker.

Now I will admit that I believe speed walking is probably the stupidest looking sport there is.  It just looks absolutely ridiculous.  Some people might even argue it is the gayest looking sport around (some people would, certainly not me, I’m far to enlightened.)

I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not even saying it is not a sport.  I’m saying if you choose to speed walk you are knowingly taking part in an activity that makes you look like a giant dork.  You are *asking* to be pelted with high velocity confections.

Anyway, I thought the ad was funny.  Not outstandingly hysterical, but funny.

Here it is:

Silly right?  Well apparently the folks at Snickers got 2 (yes two) complaints and then pulled the ad in fear that it could be seen as offensive towards gays.   I guess English gay rights groups got up in arms too.

This is making the HUGE leap that being a speed walking dufus somehow makes you gay.

Sister, please.

That would mean by extension that being gay makes you a dork. I have found quite the opposite to be true.  I am sure there are gay dorks out there.  Statistically they must exist, I have just never met one.

Now I know gays.  And I certainly know offensive.  I even know offensive gays. But that ad is not offensive.

Maybe the English are particularly sensitive to gay issues because most Americans can’t tell if and Englishmen is gay or just an Englishmen.

Anyway, here it is…

Whoever started with all this fuss needs to eat a Snickers and lighten up. That’s right, I said it - chomp down on that nutty, nougaty, chocolaty goodness you English girly man, whoever you are, and then chill the F out.

***You read it here folks- fitness boy Josh wants someone to eat a Snickers- many actually. But take note this is directed solely at Great Britain. This is just the start of my sinister plot to make other countries as fat as the US (making us look thinner in comparison).

Canada be ware, you are the target of my next volley.

If I have my way, Mr. T will be shooting a shotguns full of Reese’s Pieces in the Great White North very soon.

Joshua Carter
http://carterfitness.com

PS: Hey France, I have my eye on you…

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Damn Nintendo Wii.  Ruining everything.  I thought that I was on the cutting edge, delivering state of the art fat loss training and nutrition programs online and at my highly regarded Carter Fitness training facility in beautiful West Hills, Ca. But apparently that is not the case.

I saw this commercial and I just knew.  I knew I was glimpsing the future.

Who needs a highly educated, inventive, motivating trainer with over 15 years of in the trenches experience guiding you every step of the way?

Not you.  All you need is a video game.

Thank you, Nintedo Wii.

Joshua Carter
http://carterfitness.com

PS: If you do not feel comfortable entrusting the future of your health and fitness to the makers of Mario Brothers, feel free to contact me.  I now have online training, in person training and fat loss bootcamps the are specifcally desinged to help you reach your goals.  If you want I can whistle the theme to Donkey Kong while we train.

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I was checking out my friend Derek’s Blog, Cheek & Bluster and I saw a link to this site called The Blog Readability Test that rates Blog’s etc. and determines the level of education required to understand it.  So I gave it a shot.

Hmmm. I’m not sure how to take that.

It reminds me of a sitcom a while back (I can’t remember the name where the main character on the show had a Tivo.  Incase you did not know, Tivos can record show based on what it (the Tivo) thinks you would like. On the show the Tivo kept recording gay shows- the Tivo thought he was gay.  Hilarity ensued.

Apparently The Blog Readability Test believes I am dumb. This is not the first time it has been thought, but it is to the best of my knowledge the first time it has been thought by a non-living thing. I think I would prefer to be thought gay. 

Perhaps as my fellow Blogger Derek points out I have been dumbing it down for my intended audience.  Sadly, I know this not to be true (dammit).

In any case to The Blog Readability Test - I think you are way stupider than me.

So there.

Joshua Carter
http://carterfitness.com

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This guy might want to re-think his home gym setup.

Cinder Blocks Make Bad Dumbbells - Watch more free videos

Joshua Carter
http://carterfitness.com/

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